I am 38

Odillon Redon, Melancholy (1876)

 

playing with the knife in front of the mirror on my 20th indian summer

feeling alone in a world of ghosts when I turned 18

lighting candles for my death at 16

till day zero when the storm shaped me

 

faithful to the dark cloud that oversees my ordeal

serene as the midnight sun sends its black light in my dream

confident that the army of sleepwalkers follows my lead

 

my hands burn as I grab the hatchet and cut down the tree

one for judas, one for eve

 

I have always been God

I can never be free